“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you...”

I kept my mouth shut. I want to say the same thing, I really do. I want to say it back to you, but still, I kept my mouth shut.

Remember when I told you that I see falling in love as jumping of the cliff?

That 'moment' just passed for only a minute or two but it felt too long for me, but at the same time, it’s too fast. Weird isn't it? Too slow yet too fast. Without thinking about all the ‘what if...’s, without thinking all about my fears, I know right then that I wanted to say the same thing to you, to say those words and really mean it.

That’s when I realized that I've already jumped off the cliff, figuratively speaking, of course.

“I love you. I love you. I love you...”

You kept on saying it. I can’t say what just happened within myself so instead, I asked what’s the meaning of those words or why are you saying it. I’m sorry. I can’t remember my exact question even though I asked you repeatedly.

“I don’t know why I love you. I just do.”

I guess that’s what you've said or so I hope. I fell asleep right when you’re answering my question. You always talked to me when I’m about to lose my consciousness and enter my dream realm. I always hate it whenever you do that. It feels like I should have heard about it. It felt like I missed an important piece of a puzzle.

-

*ACDC Thunderstruck plays*


-

I woke up to my phone ringing. I looked at you while I reach out for my phone. You stirred a little as I took my call. As the day passed, I tried to wrap my head around the idea of falling and what all of these would mean. It felt like I’m trying to search for the purpose of life while I try to act casually in front of you.

At the end of the day, I don't have any answers to all of my questions. I can feel all those fears and anxiety creeping up towards me.

"What if...?"

As my counselor told me, walking would help you think.

Besides, it was a stressful day for me. With all those academic responsibilities and emotional search, I decided to go home already. I know you wouldn't like it but I chose to give myself a rest.

Then a simple joke happened. I should've told about the walk.

I was afraid to lose your trust. Hell, I’m not even sure if you trust me enough.

But I am determined to give myself a little break that I know I don't deserve so I shut myself from the world for a couple of hours.

-

And now as I woke up to a new day, I realized that I may not be able to answer all of my questions, that there are certain things, no matter how bad or good it is, is all part of the grand 'fall'.

For now, I've decided to enjoy this 'fall', to feel this strange yet fascinating feeling, because deep down I know it’s all worth it.

I have no idea how will I end this post but I believe that this is just the beginning and I hope that it’ll never end.

Now without a doubt, I can definitely say that I am unequivocally falling in love.