The Life of Honey

I didn't realize how writing helps me a lot in so many ways. In the past few months, I’ve been wanting to write in this journal again. However, for some reasons, I can’t find the time to rewrite everything that I’ve been putting in some random notes or papers so bear with me for a little while because I will publish some posts that aren’t in line with the date.

The Change, as the title of this post says, is that I want to make some few changes in this blog such as the title of this blog, the look and some of the descriptions in this blog. I’ve decided to make this blog more personal than before. I want to share, hoping that in some ways, I would be able to help some readers.

Hopefully, the change would create a positive effect.

As I said from my last post, I’ve been busy for the past few months. Final exam, Submission of Plates, Submission of different projects, Reporting, Defense, etc. All of these were put together in one month. My planners – yes, planners – are always full of schedules, deadlines, and a long to-do list for everyday.

Despite all of these, I tried to enjoy everything that I do. One more year and I’ll be done with this course and I want to enjoy these things even though tiring and stressful. I want to relish the taste of my final years in college (I hope I’m not going to have some problems with my grades).

I just want share one of my success this month. I knew how to use Photoshop! Yep, I’m that proud since I’ve been wanting to learn this since I went to college. I had to learn how to use it since for our last plate, I decided to use AutoCAD and other programs for my plate. I just watch a single Youtube Video Tutorial and the rest is through the Photoshop Online Help itself. I want to thank my friend for giving me a copy of Portable Photoshop CS6. I’m planning to learn more about Photoshop this summer to improve my skills in it.

Now that I’m done with all of my school stuffs, I’ll have more time to write new blog posts and catch up with the other bloggers. I hope to find new friends with the blogosphere as well. I guess that’s all for now. Bye!

P.S. If you're interested in learning how to use Photoshop CS6 here's the Youtube Video Tutorial Link  Just click and it will direct you to the video. Special thanks to Technologyguru77!

What can I give to the Philippines? Or better yet, what can I give back to the Philippines?

Of course, giving is something you have in the first place. Ever since I’ve read about this question, it made me thinking what can I give as a gift and for me, nothing beats sharing your knowledge. I’ve been studying BS Architecture for four years and one of my subjects specializes in Urban Planning and Urban Design & Community Architecture.

In relation with the past tragedies that happened throughout the Philippines, a lot of cities were in ruins and I thought, ‘Why not start to plan to build a better city?’. I know it’s not something that you can do overnight especially when the people’s source of income were destroyed by the natural calamities as well.

Urban Planning & Design isn't just about planning for aesthetic purposes only. Community Architecture is primarily concerned with the structural, functional and aesthetic aspects.

If there is one thing that I can give to the Philippines, what is that gift? The knowledge that I learnt and I know that the Philippines would be able to use for better living and could be used by the future generation as well; to contribute with what I know especially when people need to rebuild their home and life.

Planning for the better quality of life...

This is not just for those places that were destroyed. A good urban design will definitely meet the needs and aspirations of the people. It has a lot of benefits for the community. I’m not going to discuss everything that my professor had told us about our subject but I hope someday I would be able to actually contribute these things in our country someday. I wish great urban planners would give their services to those places who are in great need.

What about you guys? If there is one thing you can give to the Philippines, what is that gift? Tell me about the things you guy wanna give to this country.

Thanks to #GLOBEProjectWonderful2014 for this wonderful question (feeling like a beauty pageant contestant!) that made me think of the things that I would want to do to serve more for this country.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you...”

I kept my mouth shut. I want to say the same thing, I really do. I want to say it back to you, but still, I kept my mouth shut.

Remember when I told you that I see falling in love as jumping of the cliff?

That 'moment' just passed for only a minute or two but it felt too long for me, but at the same time, it’s too fast. Weird isn't it? Too slow yet too fast. Without thinking about all the ‘what if...’s, without thinking all about my fears, I know right then that I wanted to say the same thing to you, to say those words and really mean it.

That’s when I realized that I've already jumped off the cliff, figuratively speaking, of course.

“I love you. I love you. I love you...”

You kept on saying it. I can’t say what just happened within myself so instead, I asked what’s the meaning of those words or why are you saying it. I’m sorry. I can’t remember my exact question even though I asked you repeatedly.

“I don’t know why I love you. I just do.”

I guess that’s what you've said or so I hope. I fell asleep right when you’re answering my question. You always talked to me when I’m about to lose my consciousness and enter my dream realm. I always hate it whenever you do that. It feels like I should have heard about it. It felt like I missed an important piece of a puzzle.

-

*ACDC Thunderstruck plays*


-

I woke up to my phone ringing. I looked at you while I reach out for my phone. You stirred a little as I took my call. As the day passed, I tried to wrap my head around the idea of falling and what all of these would mean. It felt like I’m trying to search for the purpose of life while I try to act casually in front of you.

At the end of the day, I don't have any answers to all of my questions. I can feel all those fears and anxiety creeping up towards me.

"What if...?"

As my counselor told me, walking would help you think.

Besides, it was a stressful day for me. With all those academic responsibilities and emotional search, I decided to go home already. I know you wouldn't like it but I chose to give myself a rest.

Then a simple joke happened. I should've told about the walk.

I was afraid to lose your trust. Hell, I’m not even sure if you trust me enough.

But I am determined to give myself a little break that I know I don't deserve so I shut myself from the world for a couple of hours.

-

And now as I woke up to a new day, I realized that I may not be able to answer all of my questions, that there are certain things, no matter how bad or good it is, is all part of the grand 'fall'.

For now, I've decided to enjoy this 'fall', to feel this strange yet fascinating feeling, because deep down I know it’s all worth it.

I have no idea how will I end this post but I believe that this is just the beginning and I hope that it’ll never end.

Now without a doubt, I can definitely say that I am unequivocally falling in love.

Whenever there’s a celebration, my Dad always makes it a point that there’s a wine at the table. He says that without wine, it’s not a real celebration. There are times that it’s just the wine alone and no other foods if it’s a simple celebration. The sad thing though is that we don’t have a specific wine that we buy. We always try to buy different brands, different kinds so we would be able to tell the differences.

We were taught how to sip wine since we were 10 yrs old (of course it’s a red wine by that time). My Grandpa always says that there’s an art in drinking wine and me, being me and being a girl, doesn’t really listens to what these important guys in my life said. I don’t know how the colour of the wine affects the taste; I just know there’s a meaning or some sort. I don’t know why do we have to swirl the drink in our glass and smell it. Honestly, it smells the same to thing to me. Of course, I do know the kind of glassware we have to use depending on the wine but I think that’s about it.

True, I don’t know much about wines and I could just start and research about the art of wine tasting but I want to be honest. I’m doing this for all the men in our family who does this kind of thing. Nuffnang is right, it’s the best Christmas gift and I couldn’t ask for more.

Of course, we’ve come across some of the famous Hardys’ products like the Sparkling Rose which I remember a lot (because it’s pink!), Chardonnay something... ( I can’t remember the exact name I’m sorry!), and a few more from crest and stamp. One thing is for sure, I can’t remember most of the drinks name because, well, it’s hard for me to pronounce! Haha I’m not even sure if I’ve spelled it correctly or not. I can also remember that there are some names that spelled like cabinet and pinoy or something which I’m sure is not because it’s an Australian brand.

So I’ll stop embarrassing myself from here and start to actually research about the brand because I only know two things about it. It’s Australian brand and started in 1853. How smart, right?

Evidently, Hardys has established their name since 1853 which makes it 160 years of expertise in wine-making. It has been passed on for 5 generations with such devotion from the famous Thomas Hardy to Robert Burrough Hardy (Second Generation), Eileen and Kenneth Hardy (Third Generation), Thomas Walter Hardy (Fourth Generation) up to William Bill Hardy, the present winemaker generation. As if lasting for 160 years isn’t enough, the Hardys gathered over 3000 awards in the last decade.

 As I said earlier, we always have a wine in almost all occasions. My grandfather thought us that it makes the occasion ever more special than it is by wine consumption. It became related to our family lifestyle and it elevates the spirit of occasion and conversation. It is more sophisticated and healthy compared to drinking beers. It has a sense culture even for middle class like our family.

Big or small occasion, Hardy with its astounding heritage and quality blending techniques which has been passed on by 5 generations, will surely make your occasion as unique and refined no matter how you like it because of its broad range of sub brands that is available across the country. It has a strong appeal with the wide range of consumers for rising affluent in Asia because of its premium products.

Now that I’ve learned a lot about its rich history, I would surely tell about this, not only to my family but also some of my friends whom I want to have a special holiday for this coming Christmas. And hey, my birthday is coming up!

There are lots of things that gets better with time and as I age, I realized a lot of things that I’m really thankful for. Back then, I’m afraid of getting old. Weird, I know, because a lot of kids cannot wait to grow but I don’t. Now that I’m about to turn 20 this month, I decided to look for things that gets better as we age.

Self-confidence. It may not be that good every moment. Of course, there are times that I feel bad about myself but I learned to get up and deal with it.

Decision Making and Good Judgement. I’m not saying that I’m good at this but this time, I’m not afraid to make mistakes and I know I’ll always learn something new.

True Friends. True, it’s not about how long you’ve been known each other and how long your friendship have been but it’s nice to know that there are people who knew you from the very beginning and considers you as a family just like you are to them.

Wines. Not all wines benefits from sitting around the cellar but those that do are more delicious as it gets older.

And lastly, Robert Downey, Jr. Do I need to say more?

Our 2^nd semester began last week, I haven’t met all of our professors yet but it’s almost the same schedule. The only difference is that it’s quite easier to handle compared to our previous one because the standard number of units is lower now.

My grades for the last semester have been my lowest so far and I’m not planning to let continue that way or to even maintain it. It has been my morale booster and now, I’m trying to get a productive and healthy lifestyle.

Yesterday, I made a day to day schedule from Mondays to Saturdays so I would be able to use my time wisely especially now that our research for our individual major thesis is about to start. I know I won’t be able to follow these schedules all the time but I want to at least be strict with myself. It’s for my own good anyway. So here it is:

My Not So Busy Monday Schedule

7am – Wake up

7:00 – 8:00 – Breakfast & Stretching

8:00 – 9:00 – Home Exercise

9:00 – 12:00nn – Schoolwork Time

12:00 – 1:00pm – Lunch & Relax

1:00 – 1:30 – Prepare my things for School

1:30 – 2:30 – Get Ready For School

2:30 – 4:00 – Travel to School

4:00 – 9:00pm – Class Time

9:00 – 10:30 – Travel Time

10:30 – 11:00 – Dinner

11:00 – 12:00mn – Schoolwork

12:00 – 1:00am – Yoga and Prepare for Bed; Sleep!

So that’s an example of my everyday schedule. It varies everyday depending on my class schedule, of course. I’ll just post the whole schedule separately into another post. As you can see, the title is "My Not So Busy Monday Schedule" because I know that when our major plate comes, I won't be able to do these things, let alone sleep. 

You might be wondering why I’m trying to do this. First, I want to be productive and be on time. I’m always late but there are times that I’m too early for a class or a meeting. I’m inconsistent! Second, as I said, I’m trying to have a healthy lifestyle. I seldom do some exercise and I know I’m not healthy. I procrastinate A LOT and I want to change it.

I took advantage of our new schedule and create a new lifestyle. I know I won’t be able to follow exactly what’s written on my schedule but what I’m trying to reach as a goal is to have a pattern that would make me a dynamic and effective, especially when it comes to my studies. I really want to get a better grade and I know I have to do something to make it happen!

Few weeks ago, my brother got married. It’s only a civil wedding given the situation that he got his girlfriend pregnant. I didn't go to his wedding anyhow. I just told everyone that I’m busy but honestly, I was only in room, sitting in front of my computer. I know that’s rude, I should’ve gone to his wedding no matter how much I hate him. It may be because of our unhealthy sibling rivalry or all of the things that he’d done to me for the past decade, or maybe both. You might think that sibling rivalry is just normal but there is growing evidence that in a minority of cases, sibling warfare becomes a form of repeated, inescapable and emotionally damaging abuse. Just like what happened to me.

I know competition between siblings is very common. It is just a normal part of growing up in a family. We all say that sibling rivalry is perfectly fine and healthy, but there can be times that it becomes dangerous.  It may lead to severe physical violence, psychological distress, serious illness and disability in siblings.

Based on my research about sibling rivalry, it’s always about what parents can do. What can I say; I’m a little bit bummed about it. What parents can do? Then, How about ‘what the person who’s experiencing it can do’ besides telling my parents who doesn't do anything about it? Because honestly, I've tried to talk to them and they said that they’ll do something about it. Blablabla. They did nothing. They didn't even try. All they did is that, talked to me, asked what I want and such, offered some useless gadgets I don’t even need and don’t even want.

Of course I didn't accept their ‘bribe’. First, as I said, I’m not interested. Second, it would only make things worse. My brother would be jealous of those things, etc. My counselors already talked to my mom, but then, nothing really happened. I even tried to cut myself just to prove my point, to let them see that I am hurt not just physically but emotionally as well. Since I don’t have evidence regarding my emotional hurt, I tried to let them see that I’m crying out for help through these physical pains. Honestly, it’s kind of addicting. My body craves for the stinging pain.

Anyway, this sibling rivalry affected my life a lot more than I want to. I've always thought that my brother would always protect me which is the exact opposite of what’s been happening. The things that my brother did to me would always be engraved into my mind but I hope that someday, I would be able to get past all those bad memories.

Obviously, it’s been too long since I posted a ‘real’ blog post. For the past few weeks or even months, I wasn't able to write an ‘acceptable’ post due to a lot of reasons. This semester, I wasn't feeling like myself. I've done things I know I shouldn't have yet I didn't give a damn about it.

This month, I've only wrote to join blog competitions and earn free movie tickets. It’s annoying. I created this blog as an outlet yet after reviewing my entire posts for the past few months, it didn't seem that way. I've been trying to write this post for a week now. There are times that I even wake up in the middle of the night feeling that I’m in the mood in writing this. Clearly, this topic is something that I couldn't write in one sitting (or maybe I could?)

Downward Spiral, a depressive state where the person is depressed and it keeps on getting worse. I got past this state. I think. I’m not even sure but if there’s one thing I’m sure about, it’s the people that are here by my side, knowing that I could always count on them.

Even though I have my reasons, I know I've done things that aren't acceptable that even I can’t believe that I did it. If you have read my blog post, Understanding Depression, you’ll know that I have depression for quite some time now but I never thought that it would get worse to the point that I’m inflicting physical pain on myself. Yep, Self-Harming. I never thought I would do this. If someone told me a year ago that I would cut myself, I would have laugh in their face. Back then, I never understand the point of harming oneself until I realized that I’m doing it. My counselor told me that it’s a silent cry for help. For me, it’s kind of releasing some of my distress and it gave me a temporary relief.

Thankfully, I've stop doing it. My counselor ever wrote a contract to bind our agreement about this. Luckily, the scars in my arms aren't that visible anymore unless you’re actually going to look for it otherwise, it’s not noticeable. For days, I wasn't allowed to be alone in everything. Technically, I didn't have my privacy which is a very important thing for me. I always have someone by my side, literally, so I wouldn't do any kind of self harming even though I swore I won’t.

And that is only the beginning of my downward spiral...

GoBigger or Gobetter with Globe.

Ever since I was in high school I’ve been a Globe Telecom user. When I went to college, our university offers USTsim for free. It’s a globe sim that gives us important news and updates especially about bad weather for our own safety. 95% of my classmates, friends, and family use Globe and I never had a problem with the said network.

Though, about 3 years ago, I tried a different network for almost 2 weeks, thinking that I might save more money since it offers cheaper promos compared to Globe. Yes, it’s cheaper but I wasn’t able to use their promos because as I said, most of my friends and families use Globe sim and I would have to use a regular load. Most importantly, their signal is pretty bad. Whenever I need to make an important call, I usually don’t have a signal. After those experiences, I promised to myself that I would never use other networks again, ever.

These new promos that have been offered by Globe are one of their best. It’s really Bigger and Better and I’ve been waiting for these promos ever since I’ve been using a phone. I’ll go Bigger with Unlitext to all networks, Unlicalls, and Unlichat. Sure, GoBetter Promo is also good but by just adding 5 pesos is better to have an access to different chat applications than just viber.

I would spend this Globe Prepaid Promo to my friends since I haven’t been able to talk to them because of my hectic schedule due to my school works. I know I owe them some apologies and explanations as to why I’m not available most of the time. I really miss them so I’ll use this promo to catch up with them.

Only Globe Prepaid gives me Bigger and Better unli offers.

Go Bigger

– GoCALL100 gives me more call minutes (500 mins) VS Competitors offer (200 mins). No need to use prefix to enjoy unlicalls.

– With GoUNLI30, I get real unlimited service with unli allnetwork texts, unli calls to Globe TM, plus the real UNLI-chat experience with the best apps available. It’s the real deal compared to competitor’s UNLI offer.

Go Better

- GoUNLITXT49 gives me the same UNLI texts to Globe/TM at a BETTER prices VS Competitors offer.

– With GoUNLI25, I get real unlimited service w/ unli Globe/TM calls and texts, plus unli Viber chat to the rest of my friends. It’s the real deal compared to competitor’s UNLI offer.

Now, I don't have a reason to go with other networks for cheaper  promos because Globe has better options for m. And of course, I'm hoping to have movie tickets for the Runner Runner! 

If you have read my post about the effect of beer and coffee, then you might have an idea where this great idea (as my friends call it) came from. When I tried the coffee and beer trick to finish a plate, an idea came to me not relating to my plate. I thought about why not try to create a video about what’s happening with my life now since I don’t have much time to talk to my friends and family. Yes, I don’t have a social life, thanks to my busy schedule at school.

In other words, I want to try vlogging since I don’t talk too much about my everyday life here in my blog and I’m still having some problems with blogspot. I can’t connect to my account, it keeps on loading forever. So I ended up doing the old style, writing in my notebook. (Right now, I’m just typing all these words that were written in my notebook.)

I know a few youtuber and it looks like they really enjoy what they do. Some of my favourites are Kingsley, Tyler Oakley, Macrus Butler, Alfie and a lot more. But when I think about it, making those videos takes too much time; from recording a video to editing it. I don’t even know if my everyday life is worth watching. Most importantly, I’m freaking shy in front of the camera.

So I asked some of my friends through online, if this idea of mine is possible.  They really gave me a great push to consider this and they thought about possible solution to my wariness in front of the camera. I don’t really mind taking a photo, it’s just a one click and then it’s done. But when it comes to taking a video, all I could say is that it feels awkward. Unfortunately, they could only think of one possible solution: to get myself a little tipsy before recording. In short, they want to see me embarrass myself more. Haha.

Since I love them that much and I really miss them, I said I would do it for them. I have lot of things I want to talk about and don’t even know where to start. Vlogging would be a great way to reconnect with them since I don’t like texting that much or even calling. Every one of us busy anyways and watching a short video is enough. I hope.

So I did a little research again about vlogging so I could prepare myself. It only needs a few things which I already have or I can easily have an access to; Camera, Tripod, Video Editor, and lastly, a beer to complete the requirements.

I just made a youtube channel for this but it’s still empty since I haven’t started filming myself yet. I can’t think of a good channel name so I just used my whole name. How creative of me. I might post my first vlog here, thinking that you guys might be curious what it looks like or not. I guess that’s all for now. Seeya!